You’re moving into the farmhouse of your dreams just outside the cutest small town ever! The clean air, open spaces, and garden-fresh foods are going to be rejuvenating. But how are your children going to make friends when rural homes are spaced so far apart? And what if you plan to home school? Or you have an only child? I promise you are NOT sentencing your kids to a life of loneliness! Here is how to help children make friends after a country move:
Help Children Make Friends After a Country Move
The boxes are not yet packed for your move but you’re already wondering how long it will take the kids to realize they are going to leave behind their friends. Will there be tears? Tantrums? Maybe there already has been some upset just at the news of a future move? Let me share my experience of moving our only child out to the country and what you can expect:
How Bad Was it to Leave Friends?
In 2018 we moved to a small Texas town with our only child, a son who was 11. It was honestly not that bad to move with a pre-teen. My experience was that the huge new yard (even just our 1 acre) was so exciting that it took WEEKS for my son to miss his friends. WEEKS! And since we had moved only a hour away from our suburban house, I knew an “emergency visit” to meet friends at their neighborhood pool was just a text away. That was comforting, of course, but I also knew he was going to need friends at our new home.
Avoid Jumping In Too Soon
My husband loved our new country house but was fearful that our son and I would grow unhappy without friends around. He prodded and cajoled me out the door barely 3 weeks after we had closed on the house, insisting I get out and make some friends who had children our son’s age. This ended up being a mistake. Piles of boxes waiting to be unpacked were left sitting so that I could awkwardly smile through the crafts and activities at the local library. This made our new house feel uncomfortably cluttered and neglected any time I was home. It was also a mentally nagging to-do list item on my mind any time I was away. It was late July so most families were in and out of town on vacation. People we met one week were gone the next. It felt – and was – unnecessarily haphazard.
Take Your Time
Moves are incredibly stressful. Your children also pick up on your stress, although moves tend to be a bit more adventurous for them in the beginning. Give your family time to adjust to the new house, new sounds, and new area. I wish I had insisted on 6 weeks of peace and family time to allow ourselves to settle in. A natural desire to be more social seemed to come around the 6 week mark any ways.
Where Do We Go To Meet New Friends?
If your children attend local schools, making friends will happen quite naturally. I will caution you to be very careful about not offending long-time residents in a small town. People talk and everyone seems to know everyone. A smile and gentle, friendly demeanor go a long way!
But What If We Home School?
I was home schooling our son when we moved to the country and I understand how completely isolated you feel. The public library was a wonderful way to get him out of the house and around kids his age. The summer programs were fairly well attended but once school started, the activities were more full, which was nice. Local home school co-ops were another place we met new friends. Volunteers are always needed and if you can offer a little bit of time, you’ll generally find an enthusiastic group happy for your help! I taught a one hour long craft class the first semester in our co-op.
Where Else Can We Make Friends?
If you home school, any home school resale or supply store is going to have a ton of info. Look for any type of club, group, or nature play gathering that may be offered. You might have to drive a ways but just showing up and getting in touch with other home school families begins to open so many doors. You’ll discover there are others near you and be given names and numbers of other moms you can connect with. We are social creatures and tend to do this type of networking naturally – it only takes showing up to a couple activities to start!
How Do We Meet the Neighbors?
Only one of our neighbors came over to meet us when we moved in. After being here a month (and still being prodded by a panicky husband), I baked dozens of cookies, packaged them up cutely with a tag that had our names and cell phone numbers then started going house to house ourselves. We met all the neighbors around us in one day! They were very kind and happy to point out who they knew had children close in age to ours. Fresh baked goods are a great excuse to ring someone’s doorbell and introduce yourself, even though it is nerve-wracking. If you have new neighbors move in, please do go meet them! They want you to come by!
Click to Get the FREE Printable New Neighbor Treat Tags I Used!
We Really Do Live in the Middle of Nowhere. Help!
If you are lucky enough to live on a sprawling farm surrounded by rolling pastureland or wooded forests with nary a person in sight, it is lovely but can also be a challenge. This is where you will need to dedicate some time to driving your child(ren) to nearby activities. Again, the local library is a great place to start. If your town is too small for a library, try to find a local Facebook or social media group to join where you can begin asking questions about activities for kids. (The school front desk, local coffee shop, or café staff is where you can inquire about this if you have absolutely no one to ask.)
Here are some additional ideas:
• Look into sports, dance, swim lessons, karate, art or hands-on classes in the nearest large town. This will put you in touch with other parents who have lived in the area a long time and have a larger network, including families in your area. While this can be a significant time and driving commitment, it is probably the fastest way to ensure your child has activities and doesn’t become too lonely.
• Treat your new town as if it was a week-long vacation stop. Search for family friendly activities nearby and go! Once there, tell ticket sellers, waitresses, and staff that you’ve just moved in. Friendly conversation is likely to bring up other things to do and information about where families tend to get together. In the country there are certain parks, swimming holes, and eateries where local families know to meet up on certain days of the week.
• Small towns often hold yearly festivals. Look up as many as you can find and put them on your calendar. Festivals are generally packed with families and it’s a great way to meet lots of different people who would not otherwise be out in a crowded public gathering. 4th of July parades, fruit festivals, harvest celebrations, Christmas lighting on the square, Easter Parades, and spring carnivals happen on a never-ending cycle. There should be something going on soon somewhere nearby!
• Consider attending a high school game, even if you only have young children. High school sports are probably a HUGE draw. You’re going to see packs of grade school kids running around playing together, even at high school-level outdoor football and baseball games. These will be easier to attend if you’ve met at least one local family that you can meet at the game and who can introduce you to others.
Mother, the Brave
They say mothers are the heart of the home but she’s often the lifeline knitting together the family’s social network, too. As an introvert mom who has made this type of move, I can tell you it requires putting on a big grin and being gregarious, even when inside you feel shy, reserved or nervous. Please do be yourself, but it’s going to take putting yourself out there and gracefully striking up conversations with strangers at first to start making connections. This is something we do for our children, because they absolutely are counting on us to build a strong, loving community of trusted friends and neighbors around them.
Dad, the Generous
While a demanding new job may be part of the reason for the move, fathers cannot neglect the family when it comes to building this new social network. While in town together, he should be friendly and jovial so connections are more easily made with other families. Men may find it easiest to make friends when they are volunteering to do something that helps support youth sports/activities or the community in general. Volunteering helps boost a sense of social connection, which actually leads to creating greater social connections. (An active, aware father is also the best deterrent against unsavory characters who may target children. These predators live everywhere.)
We Might Have Made a Mistake
If you moved your only child to a 40 acre farm with absolutely zero other children around for miles, you did not make a mistake. The child I’m describing here is my own father and he grew up happy, healthy, with strong bonds to his small town classmates! Being by himself on his family’s ranch resulted in him having one of the most beautiful childhoods full of outdoor nature play I’ve ever encountered. He was a good son, a moral person, and a wonderful father, thanks to these childhood experiences and your child has just been given this gift, too!
Helping an Only Child
If your reality involves raising an only child on isolated acreage, I have some suggestions. Invest in some good quality and engaging outdoor play toys. Select an area where you could have a pile of sand delivered or build a pea gravel yard for play. Provide access to a water spigot, a hose, and large PVC pipes cut in half longways so water, balls, and toy boats can be rolled or floated down them. If your child does not have a dog or cat who has selected them as a favorite, consider adding a companion animal for them. If they are interested in small livestock keeping, support them in these endeavors. If you have an only child, there are many parents who would be happy to drive their similar-aged children to your property if you provide a class or hands-on activity plus play time for a couple hours one day per week. It can be home school related, nature classes, creative art classes, animal husbandry, baking lessons or just about anything you’re willing to host. If this is not appealing, horseback riding lessons and other nearby youth activities will be a great way to meet friends! If your only child does not attend the local school, you will need to plan at least one activity with peers per week to help them combat loneliness.
Helping a Lonely Child
If one of your kids is between the ages of other nearby children and seems to be forever left out, this is hard. It also requires dedicated effort and action from you. Don’t let this situation fester; your child needs your help. You can use the suggestions I mentioned above to help an only child but this situation is a bit different. If older & younger siblings are always playing with neighbor kids and excluding one sibling, you need a strict rule of “we do things together”. Your kids can play so long as all the siblings are included. Otherwise, your family won’t be available to play today. Forcing older children to play with a younger tag-along sibling can lead to bullying, which will make the situation worse. Your left-out child will fare better with the slightly younger playmate group where her input is more welcome. This is also an opportunity for that child to receive positive attention and one-on-one time with a parent if there simply is no way to arrange friends to play with one day. Family activities where the siblings must play together because there is no one else (state park trips, lake or river play days, day hikes) are good for navigating this situation until friends for the lonely child can be made.
The Best Gift You Could Have Given
A beautiful, wholesome childhood full of fresh air and plenty of creative play is at your children’s fingertips. You have NOT doomed them to loneliness or hating life in a small town. Instead, you have given them a delightful place to put down roots so they have a home town! I promise that in just a few month’s time, these concerns and issues will dissolve as you make new friends, begin new extracurriculars, and enjoy the exciting seasonal activities your new area offers. And the friend-making skills you teach your children during this move will help them for the rest of their lives. You have given them a truly wonderful gift…it just takes a little time to unwrap!
You Might Also Enjoy Reading:
Moving & Raising Kids in the Country
Country Living Far from the Grocery Store
Will My Family Be Happy in the Country?
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